And It's Yours For The Taking

It’s upwards girl
and you know where to

Remember the valley fog
in September
creeping in with the rivers
translucent and cold
while we drift asleep
beneath a vast blanket
of silent cloud
swallowing the acres of time.
It lays ice on the leaves of aspen
and the weaving roots
of willow,
sinks into delicate veins
of sand and soil
bringing violent frost heaves
to unsettle the stone
that grew lazy
and content.

The fog always ascends
the sunlight burns through the layers
until remain only wisps
like tendrils of smoke, interrupted
dragon dreams by
the peaks of scrubbed hills
turning shades of auburn and gold.
The sagebrush twinkles
like fallen desert stars,
whole meadows
of rice and blue grasses shimmer
and our eyes are awash
with soft glow
in rebirth.

But it stole more
than the dense stillness
and frozen drops of dew.
You too had lifted, the distance
I cannot fathom
and I try to imagine you as
particulate matter
that will fill the seams of what broke
inside
or that you transcend barriers
of little worlds I cannot see
where the fog becomes
just a ghost
or the air
I breathe

How quickly it burns into
the day
disappearing into the quiet
but how slowly
it creeps into us,
the cracks between ancient mountains,
worn valleys and canyons
like stealth
into our unsuspecting lives,
into the crevices of topography
the abysses of memory
lingering
only long enough
to touch
the rough ridges

and let go

Practicing nonviolence

When it comes down to the thick of it all, you know what really matters? Life, and the quality of it. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't believe in religion so I don't believe there's anything else afterwards. Heaven and hell is ridiculous. If there was something, it's reincarnation or some form of disintegration of charged molecules that simply go somewhere else. Basic chemistry and biology. Thermodynamics, string theory, particulate matter, etc.

So with that in mind, I don't argue for too many things. The things that I do argue for are for those basic things: Life and the time we have here. My political charge is making sure that everyone is entitled to that liberty. I live by a code of three very broad and open ethical standards: Respect, compassion, and equality. All three are extremely interrelated and pretty much inseparable. I used to spend a lot of time getting in people's faces about my opinions. Mostly just to have an argument and to be difficult. I don't entertain myself that way anymore. About the only time I argue my opinion is when people make a point to say that others are not entitled to the same basic rights as themselves. I try to build my lifestyle choices around those three ethics, and I work very hard at adjusting my attitude and behavior to ensure that I am not a hypocrite. So with that, here goes:

We think as humans, we're civilized and conscientious animals. Supposedly, it's what distinguishes us from the rest of those other living things. That assumption obviously is also based on whatever religious protocol that our culture has been built around, ie. Judaism, Christianity, Islam, etc. But we're not. Far from it.

I have a simple argument. Maybe it will be ruled as some sort of fallacy. I don't know. It's just a theory, and it's not my own by any means, but I'm walking hand in hand with it at the moment. If you want to get rid of violence from this world, to become truly "civilized", you need to eliminate those sources from violence stems. You can eliminate violence by eliminating the need for violence, as in the case of terrorism or barbarism. If people don't need to prove a point, to come out from beneath oppression, or because they have their basic needs fulfilled, I don't imagine they have reason to maim, torture, and kill. If everyone were happy, why would that occur?

So here's the question. At what point is it okay to inflict violence? At what point is it okay to oppress or demean a populace? Is it ever justifiable to bend the rules that we originally set for ourselves? Most of us can agree on basic human rights. But our country at the moment is trying to find some common ground on whether it's okay to torture terror suspects in Guantanamo. Throwing out the other factors like the brash politics, the research showing torture doesn't conclude to correct information, or the implication that torture further adds fuel to the terrorism fire, let's just ask ourselves of the morality. This country is also trying to determine whether certain minorities should have rights while others don't. There's fallacies everywhere you look, and if's, and's, or's, and but's are in every political comment, but one thing remains, you can't find a solid line between good or bad, right or wrong, black or white. Things are just never that simple.

But what if we could try to make it that simple? If you can't distinguish between what is okay to inflict violence against, then you have a problem. Thin lines get crossed, they get erased, or redrawn. So if you want to get rid of the thin lines, to completely get rid of lines, you need approach the problem using the basic morals and apply them broadly. If we assume that morals are the basis for our being civilized, we should not form lines in which those morals should be applied except that when our basic needs are violated: life and the quality of life. For me, it's respect, compassion, and equality. I apply that to everything, it doesn't stop with other humans, it goes further, to animals, to living things, to ecosystems, to everything in general. If I am to live an honest a morally responsible life, I respect, show compassion for, and try to bring myself as an equal to everything.

So here we are, the place where people begin to pull away, to begin closing their minds. Most people can agree to believe in all those obscure ideas like respect but not all people are willing to put respect before themselves. In the developed world, with technology and alternatives, we no longer need disrespect to live our lives in quality. We just continue to no want change.

Think about it. I'm a vegetarian for a lot of reasons but most recently, the one that seems to make more sense, though difficult to explain, is that if violence against animals is okay, then why not human beings, to the environment, to ourselves? In the states, it's okay to eat cows and chickens and pigs, but not cats and dogs and horses. In Europe, they eat horse meat. In Hindu, it's unacceptable to eat cows. The Muslims view pork as dirty and sinful. The Chinese skin dogs and put them on fur coats. Africans eat primates, animals that are 98% similar to us genetically. The New Guineans have a brain disease caused by eating human brains. Americans like to see themselves as morally superior but what's the difference? What gives? Thin lines between what animals are okay to kill and which ones aren't, based on your culture or religion, probably means you're going to find too many people who can cross the line because they didn't know it was there or they just don't care.

The same goes for violence against other human beings. The thin line between whether it's okay to kill people who kill to teach them that killing is wrong (the death penalty), and people who think others deserve it (think Rwanda, Kosovo, the Holocaust, etc.). Why is genital mutilation in Africa is unacceptable but not torturing of war criminals in Iraq? Why is the continuing violence caused by the application of Agent Orange in Vietnam and other chemicals developed by American companies such as DOW and Monsanto gone almost entirely uncriticized, but chemical warfare used on the Kurds by Saddam in the 90s was internationally frowned upon and later punished? How could anyone seriously consider the claims of American democracy when we fund terrorism in South America through our anti-drug policies, paramilitaries, and funding of WHISC/SOA? These are hypocricies created by false standards, thin lines, and gray areas. And we created them ourselves. We live with them in our everyday lives.

Wait, did I mention that there is a direct correlation between the violence to animals and the violence to humans? Check out this website: http://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/newsroom/fact-sheets/understanding-the-link.html You might not realize that eating meat is violent. Or testing on animals for chemical products, or vivisection, or fur coats and leather is violence against animals. You might not think that burning rainforests, pouring concrete for parking lots, strip mines and power plants, or yes, eating meat, is violence against the environment. And most people certainly wouldn't translate that to violence against humanity and to ourselves. It's a personal view, a world view even, that it's okay to do those things. But as long as you can't firmly distinguish what is right and what is wrong... you're always going to have to make decisions on a point-by-point basis. And those decisions get made by everyone.

And the violence to ourselves... depression, anxiety, obesity, lifestyle-related diseases (cancer, heart disease, diabetes), insomnia, and so many other things that are being directly attributed to our own actions, and indirectly, like the chemicals in our environment that are changing our endocrine factors. I know so many people who are on some kind of medication just to keep up in this frantic rat race of life. How many women have been sexually assaulted, how many friends have inflicted injuries to themselves, how many children are stuck in front of a video game, how many men are taking Viagra? These are not healthy situations. They are the side-effects of a culture that is dying from the lack of oxygen. Our culture is victim of eating itself from within. Thin lines of trying to decide what is wrong and right and yet still keeping up with the Joneses, keeping up with Hollywood, and trying to tune out all the bad things that make us feel bad, without actually examing why and what is making us feel that way.

If you have thin lines, you're never going to stop anything based on the fragile and false standards that we set so we can tiptoe around them whenever we think they need not apply. You want to prevent violence in the world, to prevent the moral breakdown of our spirit, then as a society, we need to completely reexamine why the mistreatment and disrespect of one thing is okay while to another, it is not. Yes, it would require us to reexamine our lifestyle from the point of how we eat, to the way we build our cities, to the way we design our economies, to how we look at others and ourselves, to how we exist in the global collective, and so forth. But can you imagine the places we could go, the things we could see, the people we could be... it would truly be liberating. We just need to open our minds and our hearts.

Election Night Delight

It's election night, November 4, 2008 and it's gonna be a night of phenomenal and maybe miraculous minutes. I've been waiting for this night for four years. Okay, scratch that and make that eight. Kerry didn't have a chance in hell and he wasn't gonna be anything but the ol' status quo. So I've plugged in the bunny ears to watch the news come rollin' in for the next few hours as the rest of the dominos fall. Mostly I'm just watching with arrogance to see the Republicans get their sorry asses handed back to him. As far as I can tell, Obama had the race bagged since McCain picked Palin. It was an unwise choice for McCain, and it just went downhill.

I haven't blogged in months, and certainly haven't delved into the realm of politics. I didn't pay any attention to the democratic primaries; completely missed Obama's presence in Boise, the capital of a state that otherwise never dreams in blue. He came, he won, and it was gone. It's hard being a blue girl in a red state. I was tugging for Hillary toward March or so but really didn't care. I was apathetic. It just seemed to matter that Dubya would be gone by 2009 and anyone after him would be multitudes better. It was a sigh of relief just to know that they hadn't changed the Constitution during their disastrous two run punch in our face and could then run for a third term. After watching 2000 and 2004, I wouldn't have been surprised if Americans would have voted for him again. The excuses I heard for 2004 were sickening enough. At this point, I could believe anything. Until Palin came along.

But until then, it was just too much for me to handle by the time the democratic nomination came around. I was pulling hard for an Obama/Clinton ticket early this summer but that fell in the cracks as it became ever so more obvious that this country, while it may be ready to overcome racism (or at least pretend it is), it certainly isn't over sexism. So I just kept silent for the last six months. And actually I've been saying for years since before most people had even heard of Obama, that this country would vote for a black man before a woman. Why? Because history goes in cycles and since African American men got suffrage before women of any color, it would be likely that we'd see the same thing. Somehow we are about to witness the breaking of the cycle of continued segregation through Jim Crow laws and so forth. Though, for a good discussion of the new poll tax:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/03/rachel-maddow-decries-lon_n_140455.html

(And while we're at it, I just need to say that Rachel Maddow is the new best thing to happen to Mainstream Media. Hottest, wittiest anchor ever. As much as I love Peter Jennings, Rachel is now my new favorite.) So it's possible we aren't avoiding the the vicious cycle of history. Rachel hit the mark, and the long lines do in fact disenfranchise the poor, the blue collared workers, the youth, and minorities. There's calls for making election day a holiday or moving election day to the weekend, but all that's in the future. All in all, it sounds like another right wing conspiracy against liberals, and in turn, against the voters of America by violating the constitution. After Florida and Ohio of the preceding election years, I think everyone was expecting something to blow. But Obama's on a roll. Even without the few voting problems in PA and NC, he's already taken on Ohio and Penn, two crucial states in the road to 270. Obama will likely blow past the 270 mark. My home state, Nevada (say that 'A' like 'apple') is finally coming to its senses and voting blue as well as my other home, Colorado, both states won in 2004 by the Bush administration. There's plenty of articles out there about how well Obama's campaign has changed the function of campaigning and fundraising but it's clear that the grassroot volunteer work and brilliant use of technology has changed everything.

If I was the teary type, I'd be crying already. At this rate, I don't give a rat's ass about what any conservative says about Obama's credidentials or his connection to people who really don't matter. I don't care anymore because I've had to listen to these same people gawk about how great Dubya was. Is. I don't know. Do these people still love Bush? I was 15 when he was voted in and I knew enough about him from TX that he's a moron. He proved me 100% correct through the last eight years. So I don't care because it's "my monkey's butt before another Republican". Literally. You pay any attention to politics in this country and abroad, and why they're important, you'd understand by now that the conservative fundamentalism that hijacked this country has nearly derailed us. Starting with the Reagan administration, we've just gone off the deep end in terms of economics, human rights, the environment, labor standards, foreign policy, civil liberties, and just about everything else Call me a socialist. I don't care. After tonight, I'm just happy to say that we're not doin this anymore.

So the world is cheering too. I know Americans don't care about what the rest of world thinks since we're all so damn superior to anyone else. But the rest of the world cares because nearly everything we do affects the rest of the world. Obviously people are paying attention.... Check out another link:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/166910/page/1

It's too bad America doesn't pay attention to what anyone thinks. It might have played some role in preventing 9/11. It might have prevented too much. People hate us and it begins to bleed through even if our colors don't. Like the rest of the Democrats and liberals in this country, the rest of the world is blissfully enjoying the departure of Bush. And tonight, we're celebrating the end of Republican chaos.

I just need to say one thing before I forget. Had McCain made it past the Bush bullshit of 2000 and had run as the GOP candidate, I think he would have done better than any of the candidates running at that time. He would have been better than Gore or Bradley, and certainly a thousand times better than Bush. I wish that our politics weren't so screwed up and that he had won in 2000 instead. We would be in a completely different world today had he made it. That said, his speech tonight was profound. It was one of the few moments where I saw the McCain that I would have voted for in 2000. I wish that man had shown through more this election. The negativity and wickedness of the new McCain just made me tired and frustrated. On a further note, I almost felt bad for Palin, teary eyed and clinging onto Todd, but mostly I'm thrilled she's taking her illiterate and ignorant ass back to her oil-backed igloo where she will hopefully be scorned and spat upon since I can't do it myself.

It's been really good to see so many people out voting this year, those that have never voted, in the huge numbers that have shown up to spend hours in line. The faces in the crowds are of just about every demographic. There's grown men crying and people hugging each other, and there's maybe not a better sign of unity and hope. Watching McCain speak to his supporters, he had boos coming from his crowd everytime he mentioned "That One". Sounded like the last two months of rallies full of people who sound like my grandmother it makes me sad. I could say that they're sore losers and while nearly everyone I knew cried in 2004, we took it in stride. My general assumptions of Republicans at this point are that they're angry, uneducated, intolerant, and scared. And tonight, a black man in the White House is probably terrifying, so while I sympathize with their fears of what is different, I don't understand and I certainly don't condone it.

So here's my first fear. I know there's people who aren't ready for an non-white man in the White House. Watching Republican hate rallies is proof enough but reports of skinheads planning assassinations are still in my thoughts. We haven't had anything since Reagan was shot but it doesn't mean the time of killing because we disagree is over. Obviously. We're still fighting wars with people we don't understand. Hell, I know plenty of people who fantasized Bush being killed in a car crash or even shot by Cheney, but then we all remembered who'd be next and the alternative was worse than what we already had. I love the fact that our 44th president is of Kenyan and Indonesian descent with an Arabic name. It's great that he's a respectful and tolerant Christian, that he's a professor, that he's a community organizer, and that he has the temperament to listen to people who are different from him and might disagree with his policies. He's young, he's in touch, and he has been able to bring people together that otherwise would never have voted together. That takes something. But it's still terrifying that there's people out there who don't think so.

After that, there's the fear that he won't live up to the hype, that he's not the messiah (I'm joking), that he'll be another dude for the status quo, that he caters too much to the center, that politics change him and not the other way around, that he has such a difficult road ahead of him that he won't be given the chance past four years if the results take longer than that to become clear. Dozens of things that could go wrong and he could fail after all this work and all this hope. But tonight is not for thinking negative thoughts like that. Tonight is too momumental and inspiring that I cannot even fathom these things happening.

It's a successful night for women as well. It ust became clear that this is also the first time we've had 17 women in the Senate. Republicans and Democrats. It's just a historical night all around. It's a historical election year. From both Hillary being the first woman to run for prez as successfully as she did, to Obama, the first African American running for the Democratic nomination, McCain coming back after his defeat in 2000 to run as the oldest presidential nominee and (God forbid) Palin being only the second woman to run for VP (after Geraldine). Nevermind that Michelle already looks perfect as first lady.

Tonight is something beautiful. Okay, I finally cried when Obama spoke in his acceptance speech. This is such a huge night that I can't even absorb the reality. It just seems so far away. 2000, 2004, I could never have imagined a day like this. I've been glued to the computer screen reading every blog, article, and endorsement, watching all the videos, the debates, the SNL skits with Tina Fey, talking to everyone, pissing off and annoying most everyone else. I voted for Nader in 2004 because I truly believe he is one of the best choices we've been had in the last fifty years along with Kucinich. But tonight, I can't even tell you how proud I am to have voted for Obama in my birth state of Nevada. And we won. We really freaking won. What a beautiful night.

Hello and goodbye?

Ah, I'm tired of the networking world. I spend so much time away from the computer these days, I have no desire to cozy up with people who don't exist. Or maybe some of them do. I don't know. I'm not one of them. Or maybe I am. Not for me to judge I guess. It's been an interesting summer. An interesting year. I'll have three dramatically different jobs by ringing in of the new one and each of them I'll have learned something different. One of the things I've gotten out of 2008 is that's where I'm supposed to be. I like the seasonal positions. I get bored too easily, which is probably an indication of some instability of my psychology but who knows. I like the physical labor. I like the instability. I like the chaos. Sometimes I don't, but most times I do. It keeps me on my toes. I think it goes along with why I can't dig the internet anymore. It's hard enough for me to sit in front of one long enough to post a blog so we'll see how the new site goes. Myspace, Facebook, I'm tired of it and they will most likely go away. A lot of it is political, more of it is socio-psychological. I don't like the lingering, hoping that someone has left me a comment. I don't like the fakeness or the false ties to people who couldn't care less otherwise. In the end, I'm usually infuriated with the computer. I'm angry at the telephone. I'm pissed with the TV. So I just avoid them all for what it's worth, unless it's necessary. Bridgeport was great. I didn't have cell reception out there, I didn't check email except on the weekends. There certainly wasn't TV or radio, and I went to bed early after riding my bike up the hill to the hotsprings. I wonder if that's how life is supposed to be: sweet, unfiltered, and simple. I would go outside at night and the stars would shine, it was so dark that I could see the Milky Way (and it's been years since I've been able to walk through a doorway to that), and the trucks would rumble past on US-395. We barely got screens, duct taped into the window sills nearly into July when it was scorching hot. We had spade-foot toads walking into through door, dozens of different insects buzzing in, wind-scorpions, and inches of dust. It was beautiful. I spent weeks in the backcountry, dirtier than I've ever been in my life, backpack padding bruising my pelvis, eating just the nastiest vegan foods I could scrounge up, freezing at night, sleeping on pads that don't even out the cushioning (=little or no sleep), and what did I get out of it? Some of the best times of my life. I can't explain how being so minimalized and so miserable enhances the serenity and pristinity of life. Sometimes I don't get it. It's like someone giving you everything you ever wanted by taking everything away. It means something deeper. The things that matter aren't submerged deep in visceral layers of imagery and metaphors. They're right in front of us. We'll see if I can deal with this much.